I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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