I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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