see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
