I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
