i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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