dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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