Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
