Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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