Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
