We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
did i just pee glitter
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
