that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
