she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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