I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
