The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
