Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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