Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
