Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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