When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
