YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
