i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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