your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
