not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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