so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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