So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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