He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
