We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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