I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
