I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
