have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
