I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
