I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
