i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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