Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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