Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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