you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
