Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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