Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
