I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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