last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
