i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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