The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize