If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
