Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
