I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am available for nakedness
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
