I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My bed smells like the plague
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
