It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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