At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's always time for handjobs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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