May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
