Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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