and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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