i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
