Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
