the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is Oprah even human
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
