Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
