What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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