I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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