I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So here I am, sexting at work.
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