Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
