2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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