Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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