So drunk, too bad you don't want this
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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