dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
