Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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