you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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