He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
